I have been starting to blog more regularly and it feels good. My vision is pulling me. The desire to transform the consciousness of money into a conduit of love and connection holds sweetly to my heart and draws me forward.
I think this purpose, mission and life energy chose me. I wake up in the morning, and I feel alive and ready to move this forward.
Except for the last couple of weeks.
It has become clear to me that being still and not doing, doing, doing is what is required for the next phase of my business. Sitting by the water hearing the lapping of the ocean; feeling my skin heat up from the sun; kissing a lover’s neck; and laughing until I cry with friends… This is what is attracting me now. Something is unfolding that I can’t quite see—and it feels good!
About eight years ago I was disenchanted with the human race. I just felt everyone was stupid. People kept closing their hearts and killing each other. I could only see those who were stuck in the struggle and what they believed. It seemed that was just the way it was.
I taught “transformational” workshops and people would pay me lots of money to enroll, and still choose “shit” for their lives. Every part of me was done with being here on planet Earth. I didn’t want to reincarnate here again.
Then, one day, a very wise woman and mentor said to me, “So why don’t you just end it now; kill yourself?” I know it may sound harsh but that kind of honesty really works for me. No candy coating things.
My response was that killing myself would seem like a waste of a life. It might even contribute to the garbage I saw all around me. With love and absolute clarity she said to me, “Then do something. Leave a legacy that you can puppet from wherever you are after this life.”
As soon as she said that, I felt my whole world open up. The idea seemed big enough for me to not get bored with, and a challenge I could step up to in a big way. The problem was: What the fuck would I do?
For the next couple of months I really started to question what would turn me on enough to keep me engaged in creating an impact. It wasn’t until I decided to go to clown school (yes, clown school) that I discovered the direction I would move.
Clown school is a deep journey into the self. It involves powerful shamanic and mask work and lots of inquiry.
During my second month there, I got a clear download (flashes of pictures of a future Brenda and the future planet) that made it apparent what I would do. These are the words that came through while making my 4th Clown Mask: “You will shift the consciousness of money on this planet so that it can be a conduit for love and connection.”
I was floored. How the hell was I supposed to do that? I was not good with money. Years of impulsive spending and big risk taking had bounced me in and out of $40,000 worth of debt almost three times in ten years. I knew how to make money, but I certainly didn’t have a good relationship with it. I had no relationship with it!
But every cell of my body knew that this mission was big enough to keep me engaged, significant enough to transform many people, and strange enough to fit my personality. Where would I begin?
I read everything I could get my hands on about money. I know: boring! But in a freaky kind of way, I loved it!
Since I was in clown school, my first idea was to call myself The Wealthy Clown. It was fun but that title really could only reach the people who already knew me. Money is a heavy topic and everyone wants this credibility thang. So I pivoted from the Wealthy Clown to Debt Into Delight. The next pivot was Know That You Know, and now I’m sticking with Brenda St Louis until the next steps reveal themselves.
I teach a program that is appropriately titled Get Intimate With Your Digits. It is buoyant enough and true enough to the process to attract those who are willing to see money as something we all need to connect deeply with.
This journey has just begun. It excites me and terrifies me all at the same time. Most days I am feeling around in the dark, but sometimes I bump up against the most precious jewel of awareness and my heart sings—then I know I’m onto something really powerful.
Money is beautiful, money is kind, money is loving, and money is peace. The elements that bind all of humanity are linked intrinsically to money.
Imagine the impact on this planet if we related to money with an expanded awareness of connection, of how our everyday interactions with money touch our loved ones, our community and the earth.
How aware and present do we want to be? Doing this does take a desire to stay awake and connect. Some of us will choose to wake up and some will continue to sleep. I know that one awake, aware person can effect over 100,000 people lulled by the drone of this reality.
I’d love you to join me in the fun of seeing what we can create. Wanna play? 😉